z
zeldathemes
bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

bespectacledsloth:

all-four-cheekbones:

facts-i-just-made-up:

Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:

Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.

Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken.  The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.

At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates.  While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.

A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.

The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.

#I am so glad I kept reading

The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.

macklemore-fujisaki:

nogoodturkey:

there’s a copy of the declaration of independence on the bulletin board in my western civ class

image

today while my teacher was out of the room i stole it and put this up in its place

image

my teacher laughed and asked who took it but nobody told on me so i got away with it

image

i did it i stole the declaration of independence

nic cage is proud

system-of-a-period:

I’m laughing so hard that my dad was coming and he stayed and laughed with me lmao

system-of-a-period:

I’m laughing so hard that my dad was coming and he stayed and laughed with me lmao

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

dry-cereal:

once i was sick so i got a prescription for codeine cough syrup and when i went to pick it up the pharmacist was like “you really won’t need all of this” and i was like “it’s ok i could just sell it at school” and he was like “YEAAAAAAAH FUTURE PHARMACIST” and fist bumped me

ok apparently this pharmacist is my brother’s old pot dealer

his name is scooter

yellowsloth:

xianfrost:

astroextensionist:

Last film I saw was Restrepo.
dnw to join the army :(

Cobb from Inception
I get to mind spy

I’m Peter QuillOfficial Ass in space

yellowsloth:

xianfrost:

astroextensionist:

Last film I saw was Restrepo.

dnw to join the army :(

Cobb from Inception

I get to mind spy

I’m Peter Quill
Official Ass in space

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

tinaturnip:

sneakymonster:

you are the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen.

that is a raccoon

Guardians of the Galaxy looks so good 

andiamburdenedwithgloriousfeels:

tinaturnip:

sneakymonster:

you are the dancing queen, young and sweet only seventeen.

that is a raccoon

Guardians of the Galaxy looks so good 

chirpchirrup:


reminder that my roomate once painted alexander hamilton as a ham

chirpchirrup:

reminder that my roomate once painted alexander hamilton as a ham

she was special and unique because unlike other girls she read a book and drank a tea and didnt talk about a clothes
pugbugduckmug:

sleepy transparent pug

pugbugduckmug:

sleepy transparent pug